Princess Stories...for the girls...

This post is for the girls! A few months ago a friend of mine recommended a book so I called the library and put myself on the waiting list. By the time it arrived I had forgotten all about it. I turned the book over to read the back, wondering what it was about. When I got to the part that said something about 'Lucinda looking up from cleaning the floor right into the eyes of the prince,' my heart gave a thrill. A princess story! I love princess stories! I couldn't wait to get home and start it.

We all want to marry a prince!
Why do we love princess stories? I pondered this as I drove home and came to a conclusion. In our hearts, we desire to be provided for, and provided for well. If a girl marries a prince, the implication is that she will never want. She will never have to worry over how to pay the bills, she won't have to leave her children to go to work. She won't have to balance working outside the home with running a home. She will not have the burden of being a provider and this represents a freedom, a lightness, a peace and security that we as wives and mothers long for.

And yet how many of us fill that role?

We're the Fixers
As mothers and wives, sisters and daughters, it comes naturally to us to nurture, to have compassion, and to fix. In fact, we can be so capable that those around us can take for granted all the problems we take care of.

It comes naturally to us to be a strength emotionally to those who depend on us. It comes naturally to us to hold things together during hard times, to set our own needs aside time and again for the survival of the family.

I speak to so many women who are doing just that for their family. They are balancing mothering, wife-ing, community serving, and yes, financially providing. On top of that they are trying to take care of themselves, to eat right and exercise, and grow spiritually. A good friend of mine who has recently started working full time to help ends meet said to me, "This isn't how I wanted my life to be. But I just need to accept it."

What we feel we deserve in our heart of hearts...
If our life have gotten to a point where we feel it isn't what we wanted, we need to consider the possibility that on some level it is what we feel we deserve. My friend is partly right. It's true that accepting and being grateful for where we are at is an extremely powerful part of the formula for creating a life we love. But there's more, and without two other pieces to the puzzle, we are spinning our wheels. We must have a clear vision of what we want and we must feel in our hearts that what we want is what we deserve.

Alma 37:41-42 says, "Nevertheless, because those miracles were worked by small means it did show unto them marvelous works. They were slothful, and forgot to exercise their faith and diligence and then those marvelous works ceased, and they did not progress in their journey; Therefore, they tarried in the wilderness, or did not travel a direct course, and were afflicted with hunger and thirst, because of their transgressions." (italics added)

Don't log out all you tenderhearted women out there. Wait and see where I'm going with this. I promise this is a message of hope and knowledge, not guilt and criticism. We do that enough to ourselves! I know you're thinking, "Yeah, yeah. I need to have more faith. I transgress all the time." And you dig your heels in to get back to work, but doesn't it feel like you just keep on spinning?

What does having more faith mean to you? Does it mean you think and focus and concentrate a little harder? Do you pucker your forehead and tense your muscles and think, 'faith, faith, faith?' What does it mean, anyway???

I think you have lots of faith. But maybe you are tarrying in the wilderness and not traveling a direct course or progressing like you want to. Maybe you are afflicted with hunger and thirst and maybe in this case the transgressions are principles of the law that you aren't living simply because you don't quite understand them yet. But consequences of law occur whether we understand them or not.

I love how that verse says, 'exercise faith.' It's a verb, an action, but again, what is it? I believe it is having a clear vision of what you want and with that vision feeling all of the emotions that go along with hope and love. Yep, faith, hope, and charity.

Do you know what you want? Or only what you don't want?
You are busy, you are amazing, you probably don't even have time to be reading this right now, so here's what I want you to start with: Start creating a vision in your mind of how you would like things to be. Try your hardest not to counteract your vision with doubt and fear and cynicism. A few times a day, when you are driving, right before you fall asleep, in the shower, over lunch, in your prayers, when you are stretching after a walk, just go away to princess land. Picture in your mind how you would like your life to be.

It's so simple, but it's work. Trust that it is work that will bring positive consequences.

If you are in serious frustration and overwhelm, just pick 2 or 3 things to start with. It might go like this: 1-Picture yourself spending quality time with each individual in your family. Feel the feelings of peace and love and gratitude you would feel in that moment. 2-Picture yourself balancing your checkbook and seeing that you had enough and to spare. Again, feel the emotions of gratitude and abundance and humble awe. 3-Picture yourself taking care of yourself. Getting to bed on time, eating healthy, exercising, and feeding your spirit.

Make your visions as real as you can. Those are three great things to start with, but maybe it's different for you. Maybe in each of those visions you can be aware of the tidy organized space around you.

Then leave your vision and get back to life. You are amazing. Look at what you have created so far with your faith, determination, and hard work. You can create this, too. Leave it in God's hands for now, all you need to do right now is be clear on what you want.

Be careful when you finish visualizing and come back to your life that you continue to be grateful for what is. Like my friend said, accept what is in the present. Later in the chapter (v. 46) Alma goes on to say: "O my son, do not let us be slothful because of the easiness of the way; for so was it with our fathers; for so was it prepared for them, that if they would look they might live; even so it is with us. The way is prepared, and if we will look we may live forever."

Could it really be that easy? Could having a vision in our mind of where we want to go really be that powerful of a catalyst to get us there? What else, then, is hope, if not a clear vision of what we want, and a trust that God wants to give it to us?

Establish Hope
At the heart of having hope for the vision we have created is conquering the belief that we don't deserve that life. Here are some things to do to increase your hope, your belief that God does want to bless you with the desires of your heart:

• Go outside and look at the mountains. Or the ocean, or the stars, or a flower. There is a clear message in these creations from God to you. The message is that He has created this for you. He wants you to enjoy his bounty. He wants you to experience the good things in life. It is effortless for you to look up at that mountain and receive the gift of His creation. Allow yourself to receive the blessings He is pouring out on you.

• Remember the example given in the bible of the child who asked his father for bread. Jesus asked if that father would give the child a stone instead. Or would the father give the child a snake when asked for a fish? Of course not. And yet isn't that how we see God sometimes? He wants to give us what we have asked for. We need to live the laws and be willing to receive.

• If you are a parent, think of your own children. If it was lunchtime and your child went to your fridge, opened it, looked at you and tentatively asked, "is it okay if I have a sandwich from this fridge?" What would you feel? Most likely you would laugh at the silliness of the question. "Of course you can have a sandwich. Everything I have is yours. Eat. Take care of yourself. There's plenty." Is it possible that this is how God feels about giving to us, too?

• Use the affirmation, "I deserve to be provided for in abundance." As you say these words, there are a couple of things you need to understand 'behind' the words. First of all it is not an entitled kind of deserving. It is a humble awareness of who you really are and what a child of God deserves simply because of who they are. On the flip side, be aware that there is nothing special or unusual about you. Everyone deserves to be provided for in abundance. Not all of us are manifesting that in our circumstances because we are still learning the laws. We are also in different places as far as what we are allowing ourselves to deserve based on our own beliefs about deserving.

• Here's the clincher: "But I don't think God really wants me to have abundance. Clearly He doesn't, look at my life." That's baloney. Don't believe it. Seriously. Fast, pray, really get in tune. I can almost guarantee that God isn't going to tell you, "For you, no. Sorry. There's not enough for you." The closest you might get to that response is, "You need to learn some things first." But behind those words are, "So, please, get learning them. I'm anxious to bless you. I have work for you to do." We are deceiving ourselves if we think that He's holding out on us. That line of thinking is a cop out. When you do withhold from your children for their own good, how anxiously are you watching for the first sign that you can give them what they want? And it all depends on them. Things are more within the sphere of our agency than we realize.

• Look at what's already good and beautiful in your life. This will help you realize that you do deserve good things, you've already been blessed with them. Try to make a connection in your mind and heart between the good you have already been blessed with and the good you hope to learn to manifest in your life. God wants you to manifest it, too.
  

• Finally girls, be accountable for where you are at. Have you created this because it is what you feel you deserve? Heal that part inside of you, affirm that you deserve to be provided for abundantly. This isn't about your husband and his paycheck, as much as you might have convinced yourself that it is. This is about you and God. How this truth comes to pass in your life is up to God, so tune in. It will be different for each one of you. It will be unexpected how it happens. He is the giver of all good things, but if we've got both hands out blocking the abundance He wishes to bestow on us, we have only ourselves to blame. And that's actually great news because the only person you can change is you.
  

Changing feelings of undeserving can take time. Feeling undeserving can blur our vision of what we really want. The first step is clarifying that vision once more and working on it daily. Trust that even if you can't see immediate results, the steps you are taking now are without a doubt changing your future. Let Him heal you and provide for you.

In the end, it isn't really about the prince. It's about being a princess. It's about knowing what you want and believing that you deserve it. That's what we yearn for and admire in the princess stories. Let yourself be that princess, know that you deserve it, that all of us deserve it! Keep your vision clear and strong and know that you are starting on an amazing, life changing journey.

(Watch for an upcoming post on how not fully understanding the law of agency pushes away what we really want in life!)

How Committed are You to Being a Victim?

If you continue to see yourself as a victim, you will continue to attract in perpetrators. Why would any of us want that?

If the role of victim is something you choose to play in your life, then at some point in your early, formative years you made the discovery that playing the role of victim gave you power. Power to get what you wanted, whether that was love, attention, sympathy, importance, material possessions, acceptance, lowered expectations, the list goes on.

Now you are an adult and playing the victim is no longer getting you what you want, in fact it is bringing you lots that you don't want. It's funny sometimes, how much like a lab rat we can be. Remember in junior high science learning about conditioning?

A rat might learn through conditioning that every time he presses a lever, he gets food. Eventually if the positive reward only comes sporadically, he will still continue to press the lever.

Lets be smarter than the lab rat! Even if playing the victim does occasionally bring you something you wanted, it usually comes with many negatives. It's just not worth it.

So how does one go about releasing this pattern?

Be Accountable
Be accountable for everything in your life. If your boss refuses to give you a raise, be accountable for not being in a place where you were ready to receive a raise.

If your child yells at you and refuses to do their chores, be accountable for being in a place where your energy matched up with that interaction. (Side note: This example with the child is a little different because you are the parent and have stewardship. You can be accountable for everything that's playing out in your life while still holding the child accountable for their choices. Yes you still teach, correct, and discipline.)

So does that mean it's your fault that your child chose to do that? Did you make them behave that way because of the place you were in? No. You did not step in and suddenly take control of someone else's agency.

I like to think of it as a dance. This dance is a testimony to me of the omniscience of God because how else could everything line up with such intricacy? The behavior your child is displaying lines up perfectly with what you are attracting in at that moment. You have stepped into each others' path and begun a dance (or continued a dance you've been doing for years!)

Your energy has matched up, your needs have matched up. You have attracted in that dance. You always have the option of dancing a different dance, or if you were different and your child wasn't, he or she would dance that dance with someone else.

And therein, for some of us lies the fear. If I choose a different dance, will he/she still dance with me? Or will this person leave my life?

What a leap of faith to leave it in God's hands. To trust that if you 'dance the dance' God wants you to dance, the path of that child you love, or that spouse you love will eventually come back to you healthier and ready to participate in a new dance, a new role. And if they don't in this life, trust that all is in God's hands. Release the fear, the need for control, the need for the old and comfortable.

It has been my experience that the vast majority of the time, the people in our lives are very willing to learn a new dance. In fact, if it's your child, they probably already know it and are trying to teach you!

And so in these interactions with other people whom we have no control over, we can work on healing whatever it is in ourselves that has matched us up with the pattern in this person at this time. We can release the need to have this in our lives.

The deepest level of accountability comes when we accept accountability for the life we were born into. If on some level we believe that some higher power 'did this to us', then the whole premise of our lives becomes victim oriented.

Do we know for certain how much we participated in choosing the details of our lives? Most of us don't. But if we choose to believe that we at least played a part in this choice then we have taken full accountability for our lives. We have released this victim energy at it's core.

This is an exciting and at the same time a deeply peaceful feeling. To know that we chose this. That this life was exactly what we needed in order to progress to the next level of our growth. The fear leaves us as we realize that no one has power over us.

To use imagery, no one has backed us into a room and closed the door. The discovery that we ourselves walked into the room and closed the door is empowering because we realize that we then, have the power to get up, open the door, and walk out.

No one is standing out there holding a key. The key is in our pocket, and has been all along.

Anyone who's worked on releasing victim energy knows, however, that sometimes we reach for that key and find that the pocket's sewn shut. So we go looking for an unpicker, right? If that happens to you, trust that the journey of looking for the unpicker is a journey you needed to be on. Be patient. You'll probably find a lot more than the unpicker and do significant healing on the way.

(I know, you're thinking someone else sewed that pocket shut, again the victim/perpetrator cycle. Nope. You sewed it shut. And you'll get it open when you are good and ready. Be accountable!)

Being accountable doesn't mean self-loathing, either. That's just called being a passive victim. That way you are the perpetrator and the victim. (Boy, we can sure be crazy sometimes! Trust me, I've been there.)

There wouldn't be any purpose once you discovered that you locked yourself in a room in beating yourself up for it. There isn't time for blame and it takes so much energy. Forget the blame, get into solutions. Be accountable.

Remove the Payoffs, Meet the Need
Figure out as best you can, what your payoffs are for being victimized. What are you getting out of it? Why do you need it (see my post: "Why do I Need This?")

Once you have figured out the payoff, remove it. A plant with no light or air will eventually die. Payoffs are like plant food to your victim energy. Are you getting sympathy? Quit talking about it. Are you getting out of some responsibility? Don't let yourself off the hook. Face the responsibility.

Then find a way to meet the need that this victim-payoff cycle is attempting to meet. If you need attention and love, create that in your life in healthy ways, beginning with loving and attending to yourself.

If you need more rest, less responsibility, learn how to ask for help appropriately. Find people in your life you can rely on, they are probably already there and eager to help in healthy ways.

If you need admiration (the martyr game) remind yourself that you cannot control what others think or how they feel about you. Let go of the control. Reconnect with God, the source of love and individual worth.

Be Grateful
We are commanded to be grateful in all things. "And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things..." D & C 59:21. I think the next logical step to confessing God's hand in our life is being grateful for it. This attitude grows from a trust that He loves us and is shaping and guiding the masterpiece that is you.

When our inclination is to gripe and moan, choosing to stop and give thanks immediately takes us out of victim energy and into growth and accountability. It's trusting that no one is 'doing this to us'. We chose this and are grateful for it.

Be Response-able
Once we have chosen to be accountable and even grateful, we can then be response-able. In other words, always remember the meaning of that word, we are able to respond. Just as we learn in amazing stories like "The Hiding Place", we always get to choose our response. This is another way to take back our power. When we play the victim role, when we blame, we give up our power. Take it back by being accountable about how you choose to respond.

If you are entrenched in victim energy you might think, "But I can't respond this way and I can't respond that way." You might get 'others focused' and start noticing what everyone else has done to you to limit your options. Stop that. Be accountable. Be grateful that you don't have those options. Because of that you'll be led to better ones. You'll grow more, you'll heal more.

Repeat over and over, "I'm able to respond", until your thoughts are off the obstacles and onto solutions. Pray for help, you are powerful. You can do this.

Forgive
When we have been truly harmed by another, forgiveness is an essential step in letting go of victim energy. Stop thinking of people as perpetrators and of yourself as a helpless victim. See yourself as a powerful individual and think of them as people who created challenges in your life. Challenges you are grateful for, and able to respond to! Then remind yourself why you are grateful for those challenges. Where have they led you? What have you made of your life because of them.

Forgive yourself as well. Forgiving ourselves makes it so much easier to forgive others. Usually when we are stuck and unable to forgive someone else, it's because we have some forgiveness work to do with ourselves. It's amazing how quickly those walls can come down and forgiveness of others comes once we have forgiven ourselves.

Sometimes we aren't even sure what we need to forgive ourselves for, so start by just forgiving yourself for not being perfect, for not handling everything as well as you would have liked to, for creating these things in your life.

Press On
If someone has spent a lifetime committed to being a victim, the beginnings of change can feel as if they are trying to remove something that has reached it's tentacles into every area of their bodies. They heal one area only to turn around and notice five more problem spots.

The great news is that the process of removing and healing this pattern in our lives will progress almost exponentially. The further you get from victim energy, the more you will love being free from it and the less comfortable you will be in that negative place.

Eventually it will be a place you only fall back into occasionally, and when you do, you'll quickly identify it, learn from it, and leave it.

Every person I have known with a strong commitment to victim energy was an immensely powerful person, hiding behind a role of helplessness. If playing the victim is a role you are trying to change, trust in the knowledge that you are powerful.

Watch out for self-sabotage. My favorite story of self-sabotage was created by a good friend of mine. She came to my home and announced she was 'done being a victim'. She wanted to get started right away.

It turns out she wasn't really done, and she didn't really want to get started. What she wanted was some attention and some fixing. We spent an hour and a half poring over affirmations, typing them up and personalizing a program for her to start. We printed out the paper and she was so excited!

I walked her to the door and told her good-bye, so excited for her. After she left I went back to my office and saw sitting on my desk the papers we had printed out, her whole program. She wasn't ready. She'd played me well!

I called her and said, "Nice sabotage. You left your papers here." (You probably should know she's been my best friend since we were 6 years old and we can be pretty frank with each other.) She laughed and I laughed and I threw the paper away. She never asked for it. And that was okay because about 3 years later she really was ready. And now she's a new person. It was just part of her journey.

I tell you this story to remind you that victim energy is complicated. Be pleased with any progress you make. Just keep moving forward and know that things are changing. To use a mixed metaphor, even though you are fighting an uphill battle, you will find that your momentum increases and pretty soon you'll be flying down the hill enjoying the scenery!

On Destructive Relationships

This post is in response to a comment on the post, "Why Do I Need This?" The reader expressed a desire to address 'relationships that continue to be destructive after you've done all that you can do.'

According to law of attraction principles, if you have a relationship like this, there are two possible reasons. The first possible reason is that it is in your best good, it is in the other person's best good, or it is in both of your best good for the relationship to be in your life. If you are always seeking to live God's will, then you are always seeking the things that are in yours and your fellow beings' best good.

(Note: the phrase 'in my best good' comes from a very interesting book called "Mutant Message Down Under." I like the way the phrase describes God's will in my life.)

The second possible reason is that you have an unhealthy pattern that you have still not released, in spite of your feeling that you have 'done all that you can do.'

In Your Best Good
Through prayer and introspection, you can discover which of the two reasons is true for you at this point in your life and with this particular individual. If the reason is the first, then with the Savior's power, this burden can become light in your life. You can tune in to what your role should be and the purposes behind where you are at.

Many people say that we shouldn't ask 'why'. But I find my best answers and my most sacred revelation when I ask 'why' in a humble and submissive manner. Those answers can help insulate us somewhat from the potential for harm these destructive relationships can have in our lives.

Use the principles of the law of attraction to attract best case scenerios with this person. Watch for future postings on 'creating space' for people in our lives. This is a powerful principle.

Release the Pattern that Created This
If, through prayer and introspection you discover that reason number two applies in this case, it's time to 'release the pattern that created this in your life.' This is a phrase from Louise Hay that I love. It is powerful and has a broad scope. Many times we don't know the pattern that created this, and so simply affirming, "I release the pattern that created this in my life" is a good place to start. We'll be led to solutions.

Sometimes the thought of no longer having this person in our life is frightening. Especially if this person is a spouse or one of our children. But have faith! Remember that when we are living according to true principles, things work out for our best good. Anything is possible. I've mentioned before the mantra I love from Mark Fournier, "There is an infinate number of possible outcomes. I am not attached."

In our small minds, we only see a few possible outcomes, so we try to force the ones we think best. Yes, we are creators, but only with God's power given to us. As we flow into the stream of His will for our best good, we will be amazed at the possibilities we had never considered. It's so profoundly true and important to remember, "[His] thoughts are not [our] thoughts, neither are [our] ways [His] ways" (Isaiah 55:8)

Thus, submitting our will to His unleashes our greatest potential to create. Fighting against His will blocks the flow of our creation as we try to force things, inevitably attempting to interfere with God's greatest gift, agency. As soon as we are attempting to interfere with another's agency, the creative process stops. There is no power there, only an illusion of power.

For healing and/or releasing destructive relationships, my favorite author is Louise Hay. Carol Tuttle also has some good thoughts on this topic.

My Favorite Story

It seems that whenever I read about using law of attraction principles to increase my prosperity, I read things like, "I tripled my income in 3 months!" Or, "I earned $40,000 in 20 minutes". Or even, "I doubled my income in less than 1 year!".

These statements are exciting, and draw us in. My experiences so far however, have not been like that. I am beginning to think that if those statements are true, it would be very enlightening to examine those individuals lives for the 2-5 years previous to those 3 months, or 20 minutes, or 1 year.

Learning these principles take time. Don't get discouraged if you start changing your way of thinking and don't experience such rapid results. Trust that you are on the path. I have found, however, that the further down the path I get, the more accelerated the results become. Things start to come together quickly.

The examples mentioned above can be misleading because the law of attraction always works in the simplest and easiest ways. You will have results that come without drama or fanfare most of the time. But you will have results.

So I wanted to get personal and share my favorite example of how simply and logically applying the law of attraction in your life can get you results.

Laser Focus
I had read in a post from Leslie Householder at http://thoughtsalive.com/ that when we are using visualization to achieve our goals, it helps if we can narrow it down to one or two goals at a time, giving each of those goals a 'laser focus'.

I decided that my top two financial goals were to acquire food storage and 6 months cash reserves. I figured to get the food storage and the cash reserves would mean I would need to save around $20,000. It was October, and I set the goal to be reached in 1 years time.

I am a trusting and optimistic person by nature and began my visualizations with laser focus just like Leslie taught. If nothing changed in our situation, I figured it would take about 5 years to reach that goal. I fully expected that within the next year we would be the happy recipients of some amazing landfall of money. Maybe my husband would get a new job with a huge increase. I had all sorts of exciting scenarios playing out as possibilities in my mind.

Much to my surprise and delight, we reached our goal, but there were no dramatic changes in our income, in fact there was hardly a change at all. Three unexpected things happened.

Spending Changes
For years I had been in charge of most of our finances. I recorded expenses, watched the budget, etc. But about a month after I started my laser focus visualizations, my husband took a sudden interest in the details of our 'accounts payable'. Over about 3 full Saturdays, he sat down with our online banking account and recorded every penny that had been spent the previous 3 months. He showed me the results and we made a revised budget. We planned out the next year more realistically based on his work.

His vigilance continued and for the next 5 months, he checked our accounts every night, recorded our expenses, and consulted with me (the spender of money in the family) on where we were at and how much money was left. I loved having someone help me keep track. It was motivating to know he'd be checking every night and we were a team with our goals. He would say things like, "if we don't spend anything else this week, we'll reach our savings goal." (Which was code for, "if you don't spend anything else this week, we'll reach our savings goal!") I would get excited and be careful not to spend anything else that week.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, we saved at least 10% each of those months, significantly increasing our savings account. It was exciting and I learned a lot from him about controlling spending, something he's very good at. It is interesting to note here, that I had said nothing to him about my visualizations.

Food Storage
The summer before I set this goal, gas prices had risen to an unprecedented amount. They fell in the fall, but over the winter everyone predicted that food would follow in the price increase in the spring. We had been hesitant before this time to fork out the lump sum to buy a lot of food storage at once. But after listening to the predictions, we decided it would be wise to get our food storage as soon as possible. I just wasn't sure how we'd come up with the money.

My husband looked at our budget and suggested that this year when he got one of his 2 extra checks, instead of using it to go on a family vacation like we normally did, we'd use it to buy our food storage instead, and do some inexpensive camping that summer for family vacations. So that March we bought rice, wheat, beans, flour, sugar, and many other staples for food storage.

It was a dream come true. Just like I had visualized, I would go down into my storage room and stare at all my shelves full of food. Knowing that I could feed my family no matter what gave me so much peace!

New information
So now we had food storage and lots more savings, and it had only been 6 months. I figured we still had a long way to go for our cash reserves to be complete. But then one day my husband, still tracking expenses religiously, got curious about exactly how much cash we would need to survive for 6 months of unemployment.

He got more detailed than I ever had and thought of a few things I had not considered. Unemployment checks, for one. An old IRA from my teaching job years ago that I had forgotten, for another. By the time he was done with his spreadsheet, guess how many months of cash reserves we had? 5 months. Over the next 6 months we continued to save and by the time we reached the year mark for my goal, we didn't have $20,000 in savings, but we had 6 months cash reserves and food storage. How amazing is that?

It might be simpler than you think
So, what I learned is that we don't have to know the 'how' in order to visualize where we want to be. If I would have asked myself how I was going to get an extra $20,000 in one year and started obsessing about that, I might never have put the energy and hope into visualizing my goal. Now I have the peace of mind of knowing that I have cash reserves and food storage. And I always chuckle when I think of how simply it came to pass! I love it!

Dreams Come True

In spite of whatever disappointments we are currently dealing with, all of us have aspects of our present lives that are a fulfilment of our past hopes and dreams. Those visions in the past are what created the good in our lives today.

Most changes occur in a gradual, sometimes even subtle way and the ones that happen suddenly are often accompanied by a sort of frantic busy-ness. The result is that we tend to miss the opportunity to revel in our dreams come true.

Think about the good things in you life. How do they match up with your past dreams? Is the car that now is just four wheels getting you to and from here and there, something you once anticipated with great excitement? Are the 5 kids that make your life absolute craziness, exactly what you visualized down the road on your wedding day? Is the house of your own-whose repairs you just can't seem to keep up on-something you could hardly wait to acquire back in your apartment dwelling days?

These examples might be off the mark for you, but look back, remember, what dreams are you living?

The supreme irony of each of these examples is the "shiny side" and the "corroded side" of the dream. Back when we were daydreaming about the home of our own, and a yard to barbecue in, we weren't worrying about the upkeep - we were focused on the positive aspects of the dream we were working toward.

We still have that option today. Try this exercise: Ask yourself what in your life is the fulfillment of a dream. Has it happened so gradually that you have grown accustomed to it without appreciating the miracle of it? Or has it come with enough of it's own complications that you have overlooked that it is just what you once wanted?

Take a leap through time from "you-then" to "you-now," the person living in it. Immerse yourself in the delightful pleasure of a dream come true.

An empty-nester might remember being a young mother, so busy with kids everywhere. Did she dream of a day to herself? Now she can enjoy the moment she is in like she would have if that young mother were transported out of the chaos through time to the present.

If you looked forward in college to the day you owned your life and had no more professors to report to, the day you had a real job with a real paycheck-transport that kid with a dream to now. Take a minute in the evening to appreciate not having homework hanging over your head anymore! Remember how badly you once wanted that?

In many aspects of your life, you are living what once was only a dream for you. We think it will be such a thrill when we achieve our dreams, but so much of the time we immediately focus on the next thing that is 'missing' or 'wrong' in our lives, without taking a minute for blissful appreciation.

If a dream were to come true overnight, it might be easier to appreciate the thrill. But most dreams are not that way. Don't miss out on the thrill!

We get to choose what to focus on, and remember that whatever we focus on-we get more of. So if you focus on dreams that have come true in your life, (instead of the ones that haven't) guess what you get? More dreams come true!

Recognizing that the good in our lives is directly connected to our past dreams and visualizations will also motivate us to put energy into visualizing for the future. We will have evidence right in front of us of the power of faith and hope, thus providing us with greater faith and hope.

Remember what the Nephite prophet Alma said, "I have always retained in remembrance [the captivity of our fathers]". (Alma 36:29 and 2) In other words, he remembers where he's been. He remembers that once, long ago, his people dreamed of a freedom he enjoys every day. He keeps in remembrance that he is living that dream.

Also remember that everything is relative. In many aspects of your life, you are living someone else's dream, too. People who aren't yet where you are today, dream of getting to where you are. It is a sobering and humbling thought. Try to see the magic in your life as if you were someone who had just been transported from dreaming about your blessings to living in your blessings.

As you look to the future, don't forget where you've been, or you risk not seeing and appreciating where you are. And loving where you are will help attract in more to love about your life.

Why do I need this?

One of the most piercing questions I use when struggling with a relationship problem is, "Why do I need this in my life." This question sidesteps any questions of blame, making me fully accountable for my part in the equation. It puts the power in my hands and neutralizes any victim energy that I may be feeding off of.

It is important when asking questions like these, that we pay close attention to the very first thought that comes into our minds in response to the question. Sometimes it is just a fleeting whisper, something we may not be too eager to confront.

If we ignore that first thought, we might quickly and easily distract ourselves from the real issues that need to be addressed, buying ourselves more time to continue on the path of least resistance. This is not the path to take if we truly desire change!

Another way to get at the same information is to ask yourself, "What is my payoff for having this in my life?" Having the courage to face these sometimes troubling answers means you are ready for change.

Here are some examples of reasons why we sometimes 'need' unpleasant things in our relationships:

• It gives me someone to be mad at, or the right to be mad.
• It gives me someone to fix, then I feel important, or useful
• I'm motivated by having something negative to fight against ('I'll show them' kind of mentality)
• It gives me an excuse to be depressed, and mediocre in my choices
• It gives me something to complain about, and attention
• It gives me the punishment I deserve
• I like being broken because when others are 'fixing' me, I know I am loved

There are as many possible answers to the question as there are people and relationships. Finding the answers to the question, "Why do I need this in my life," is an essential first step to healing the relationship problem you are working on.

Once the answer to the question has been identified, what is the next step ? There are several possibilities. One or all of these may apply: 1. Find a healthy way to meet the need. 2. Forgive. 3. Accept and appreciate.

Find a Healthy Way to Meet the Need

If, for example, you are creating something unpleasant in your life so that you have something interesting to complain about to your friends, thus providing you with attention, find a healthy way to get that attention you are craving.

Add something positive, new and interesting to your life and start talking to your friends about it. Refuse to allow yourself the payoff any longer, simply stop talking to your friends about this problem. Write about it, talk to God about it, or if absolutely necessary, talk to a counselor about it, but don't continue the pattern of getting attention from friends for it.

Another example might be that you are getting a payoff for being 'broken' because you feel loved when others are 'fixing' you. If that is the case, find some new and healthy ways to receive love from the people around you. Most likely it's already there, you just need to open your eyes to it. But if not, visualize yourself in these relationships as peers, with give and take. Change the way things are. Release this need in your life to receive love in this manner. Learn to receive love in healthy ways.

Forgive

If you feel that your unfortunate experiences are just punishment for your perceived failures or shortcomings, it's time to forgive yourself. Use affirmations, visualizations, prayer, and meditation. Read all you can about the process of forgiveness. Learn to forgive.

The same applies if you are needing a reason to be mad, or the right to be mad. You've got someone to forgive. Who is it? Forgiveness is work, so get to it, it will heal your life. Creating more reasons to be mad will just take you in circles until you are ready to forgive and heal.

Accept

Sometimes we have allowed ourselves to become ungrateful for something we legitimately need in our lives that our significant other is providing for us. If we are a high energy person, frustrated with our spouse's 'laziness,' the answer to the question, "Why do I need this?" might be that we need someone to temper and calm us. We need to accept this and even appreciate it.

I remember being frustrated about my husband's lack of enthusiasm about the new ideas I was always chewing on and batting around. I felt alone and sorry for myself. Then I asked myself the question, "Why do I need this in my life?" The response was obvious and filled my heart with warmth.

I needed someone who kept his feet firmly on the ground, freeing me to explore every nook and cranny of the universe. I knew I'd always have my anchor to come back to, and the joy I experienced in my journey would not have been as complete if my husband had not provided this safe place for me.

I no longer complain about this aspect of his personality, I appreciate it. And, ironically, as I have come to accept and appreciate this about him, he has actually started getting a little more interested in all my thought journeys!

Asking the question, "Why do I need this in my life?" with rigorous self-honesty, is the first step in taking accountability for what we have participated in creating. Once we have done this, we are on the path to healing the problem.

Recipe: Philly? Salad? Wrap?

1 red pepper
1 green pepper
1 small yellow onion
2 slices swiss cheese
4 cups fresh spinach leaves
1 large avacado, mashed
4 whole wheat tortillas

This salad wrap is made in the spirit of the philly sandwhich. The recipe makes 4 wraps and each wrap will be prepared individually. Cut the peppers and onions into fourths. Slice the peppers and onions thinly. Sautee the first pile of peppers and onions in canola oil. Arrange the vegetables into a long, narrow pile, roughly the shape of a rolled wrap. Cover the veggies with 1/2 a slice of swiss cheese. Drip a couple of drops of water onto the pan and quickly cover the veggies and cheese with a saucepan lid, using the steam to melt the cheese. Once cheese is melted (15-20 seconds), slide the veggies and cheese into the center of a tortilla. Cover with approximately 1 cup of fresh spinach leaves (less or more depending on your preference). Spread mashed avacado onto the side of the tortilla and wrap it up!

Creating in your own reality

When working with the Law of Attraction, it is important to remember that we can only create in our own reality. We can create space for someone else to live into, but that's a topic for another day.

Sometimes in our goal setting, affirming, and visualizing, our thoughts can stray into other people's realities. For example, if we are hoping to find love and romance, we may find our visualizations concentrating on a certain individual calling and asking us out. Or, if we want to make a big sale, our visualization may include us convincing a client to hand us a check.

These are both examples of attempting to control another person's agency. Agency is one of the greatest gifts human beings have been given, and any attempt to interfere with another person's agency will put our own progress towards what we desire on hold.

Make sure that your visualizations include you and only you. If you want to experience love and romance, picture yourself receiving a phone call from an unnamed individual and imagine all the feelings of excitement and twitterpation you can imagine!

If you are already in a relationship and that individual already has a name and a face, then make sure the focus of your thoughts and energy are on you. Picture yourself feeling loved and appreciated. Picture yourself as part of a healthy, affectionate relationship. Picture the places in your heart that feel empty, full.

You will always be pleasantly surprised at how the details get filled in. There is no need for you to anticipate and attempt to orchestrate the roles others will play in bringing you what you desire.

Don't let your energy stray into trying to force an outcome from someone else. It's a waste of energy and translates into ingratitude for what's already there.

If you are visualizing making a sale, picture looking at the check, seeing the numbers, feeling the gratitude. Picture filling the order, sending it out, even calling a friend and sharing the great news. The more wholly focused the visualization is on yourself, the more powerful it will be.

Another aspect that sometimes sneaks into our visualizations is an audience. When you picture yourself in that new car, are there people on the side, admiring your good fortune? Sometimes we don't even realize they are there! Paying attention to details like that in your visualizations will help you to discern your motives.

Working towards something because you hope to earn the admiration or respect of others, is at it's root, an attempt to create in someone else's reality. Whenever that happens, remind yourself, "I cannot control what others think about me, or how they feel about me, or how they see me."

Sometimes in our visualizations the 'audience' is looking at us with disapproval. Perhaps we have fears about reaching certain goals because we worry about others seeing us in negative ways. Again, remind yourself: "I cannot control what others think about me, or how they feel about me, or how they see me." And let it go. This is between you and God.

Overwhelmed?

Shortly after I learned about the principle of focusing on what we want, I found an unexpected way to apply what I had learned. It had been one of those frantic days-I was rushing from picking kids up from school, to the store, to ballet, and back home again. Then I was hollering at my son to change into soccer clothes while throwing something together to feed them so we could rush off late to soccer games. (I won't even get into the drama of mismatched soccer socks!)

I arrived at the game late, running with a baby on one hip and an overflowing bag and soccer chair on the other. I sat down with a whoosh and started giving my baby her dinner while making phone calls on my cell phone, trying to take care of some unfinished tasks. Sound familiar?

When I walked back into my house that night, I was tempted to collapse on the couch and do a major overwhelm. The counter was covered in groceries, homework still needed to be done, and it all seemed impossible. Granted, it had been a busy day, and I had every right to give up and call it a day. Turn the TV on, check out, whatever. But really, that wasn't what I wanted.

So, instead of collapsing on the couch, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and started to picture what I really wanted. I visualized clear counters, homework done, putting my kids to bed in a house of order, taking a few calm minutes with each child before they went to sleep, and finally turning lights off and getting to bed early myself.

The first thing that happened was that I felt energized. It was like the feelings of being overwhelmed, hopeless, and frustrated slipped out of my body and slinked away. I had hope again. It's amazing where you can go when you have hope!

Then next thing that happened was that solutions began to occur to me that had been invisible just moments before. I got to work on those solutions.

The last thing that happened was that I was able to enlist the help and cooperation of my family with my positive, solution oriented energy and things came together quickly after that. Had I attempted the same with my family before my energy changed, I would have encountered more resistance.

That night I went to bed on time with a clean house and a peaceful feeling in my heart and in my home. I had spent quality time with my kids and had received what I had hoped for: peace and order.

When we give in to the overwhelm, things tend to spiral out of control, farther and farther from what we really want. Our frustration and feelings of helplessness increase.

Now when I start to feel tempted to 'do an overwhelm', I stop, close my eyes, and change my focus from what's wrong to what I want. Everything doesn't always match my vision exactly, but I consistently feel hopeful and energized instead of overwhelmed.

Solutions I might be blocking with the negative feelings, are free to present themselves, and in the end I feel peaceful regardless of how the circumstances turn out.

I'm broke...where do I start?

Does it seem like when you start to get serious about improving your health, the obstacle you come up against is lack of money? You found a great supplement to give you more energy...it costs money. You heard about an amazing practitioner...who's outrageously expensive. You want to try the latest weight loss program...again, lots of money.

Don't get discouraged. If you are intent on improving your life, the great news is that there are many options that cost little or no money for getting started. Here are a few:

Tap into Your Thought Energy
The three methods I recommend the most for tapping into your bodies inherent ability to heal are, "Feelings Buried Alive" by Karol Truman; "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay; and Emotional Freedom Technique, detailed at emofree.com.

These methods teach you how to diagnose which thoughts and emotions are keeping you from health. They then give you strategies using affirmations, visualizations, and pressure points to release and change these patterns in your life. To start learning any of these three methods is to begin a lifelong journey of healing from the inside out.

Follow your gut. Of the three methods mentioned above, begin to research the one that sounds the most interesting, or has the strongest pull. It's probably the one you need now. Eventually you should become familiar with all three. Make healing thoughts a habit that stays with you for the rest of your life. It will impact every area of your life, spreading far past your health.

Reflexology and Essential Oils
These are two modalities of healing that bring subtly powerful results. They are relatively easy to learn how to use (at least the basics of them) and they are inexpensive.

I invested in a couple of reflexology books and use the methods shown in them on myself and my family. I have found it to be most effective when I target one specific health issue and use the reflexology most every day for a couple of weeks, or longer if necessary.

Essential oils are inexpensive and long lasting. There are many websites and books that teach the most beneficial ways to use them. There are starting to be more home based businesses involving essential oils and sometimes you can find a local expert to support you as you learn to use them.

Educate Yourself
Early in my journey of taking my health into my own hands, I took an evening away from my family and spent a couple of hours at Barnes and Noble in the health section. I pulled dozens of books off the shelf, any that looked interesting to me. At the end of my evening, I still had almost two dozen books. I followed my gut, and narrowed it down to just a few, and purchased one book that night.

That book was called, "The pH Miracle" by Robert O. Young, and I still count it as one of my favorite health books. But the point I want to make here, is that by taking the time to do this, I came away with many book ideas which I checked out from my library and worked my way through.

You can spend time online if you prefer, but take advantage of any method you can to improve your knowledge and understanding of how the body works, of healing, and of health.

Do the Basics
Get disciplined and start doing the basics. Pick one thing a week to start with, get a support group, make yourself a sticker chart if you have to, but start taking better care of yourself. You know what you need to work on. Here are some ideas:

• Go to bed earlier!!! Our bodies cleanse and detox while we sleep.
• Drink more water. (and less soda!)
• Eat more fruits and veggies (this will impact your grocery budget, but not as much as many supplements).
• Do a cleanse. Again, this will cost some money, but there are inexpensive options.
• Eliminate sugar and white flour from your diet.
• Get active, get exercising!
• Get some basic supplements. Everyone should be on a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. We should all be taking essential fatty acids (you can take flax oil or fish oil). We should all be taking probiotics to help with our digestion. Each of these is relatively inexpensive as far as supplements go and would probably make a world of difference.

If you begin to feel that it is important for you to do something for you health that costs money you do not currently have, begin to visualize having that which you need. Be sure to feel all the emotions of gratitude and excitement. You will be surprised the way things will work in your behalf!

Book Review: Naturally Thin

We are hearing more and more in the news of late about diet being more important than exercise when it comes to controlling weight. The thing I love about this book is it seems to recognize that the way we eat is something of a mind game. Think of this book as a rule book on how to win the mind game.

Frankel repeatedly reminds us throughout the book how much she hates diets. Her theme is that we need to tune into our 'food voice'. We need to trust ourselves. It is an empowering book and it had an overall relaxing effect on me.

When we are fighting resistance and the urge to self-sabotage, relaxing is so important. It seems to defuse the battle and suddenly it's not so hard to control ourselves.

Frankel is very real in the book, giving examples of times she follows her rules as well as times she doesn't...and how she recovers from that. She's trying to teach us to relax, go with the flow, and most of all keep things balanced.

She is, in fact, so real that at times she's a little bit annoying, but you have to respect her open display of how she lives her life and how her mind works. She teaches you how to lighten up on yourself. This is so important because the self-loathing that we sometimes fall into after messing up generally leads to more self-destructive behavior.

Here are her top 10 rules to eat by:

1. Your diet is a bank account.

2. You can have it all, just not all at once.

3. Taste everything, eat nothing.

4. Pay attention.

5. Downsize now!

6. Cancel your membership in the clean plate club.

7. Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

8. Know Thyself.

9. Get real. (avoid processed food)

10. Do what is good for you.

It's worth reading the book to get the details on these common sense, practical, and user-friendly rules. She gives you lots of real life examples of how to apply them. I found myself applying them without much effort as soon as I understood them. It's a must read!

Be Ye Therefore Content

One of the best pieces of advice I ever received came from my little brother who was 18 years old at the time. The movie "The Secret" had just come out. I had been studying the concepts taught in "The Secret" for many years, but my little brother sat down and watched the movie and from the first viewing had an intuitive grasp of the law of attraction. From that point on he became my teacher.

One day we were discussing gratitude and contentment and he said, "In order to attract in being content, you have to be content."

Do you see the irony in that statement of truth? As we work on creating a clear vision of where we want to go, it is powerful to be able to look at the way things are and feel on every level that if things never changed, we are content, and we will continue to be content.

And yet there is a concept sometimes referred to as "divine discontent." The divine in us is always seeking to improve our situation, to progress. Neal A. Maxwell said that we "...experience divine discontent because of progression mixed with procrastination."

We can use divine discontent to motivate and propel us forward. We just need to be careful not to allow that divine discontent to morph into ingratitude, which is all too easy to do!

What is the difference then, between divine discontent and ingratitude?

Joseph B. Wirthlin said, "Our minds have a marvelous capacity to notice the unusual. However, the opposite is true as well: The more often we see things around us-even the beautiful and wonderful things-the more they become invisible to us...Because we see things so often, we see them less and less."

Ingratitude then, encompasses not seeing the good that is already in our life. It often includes a sense of entitlement, a feeling of being shortchanged. With ingratitude we usually find ourselves comparing our situation to that of others and we come away with a feeling of envy. Underneath it all is usually a deep feeling of not being enough.

As we look a little more closely at our lack of gratitude, we may also find fear, discouragement, even despair. A feeling of hopelessness and a desperate desire to grasp for things we don't feel we deserve may also accompany these feelings of ingratitude and discontent.

Divine discontent, on the other hand, is a curious mix of peace and desire for movement. There is hope that the changes we desire will come to pass. There is clear vision of how we want things to be, rather than a focus on what we don't want.

Divine discontent is accompanied by a feeling of connection to our creator, a humble belief in, and understanding of our own potential and worth.

We have a feeling of contribution, a desire to improve others lives as well as our own. We often recognize being guided by a purpose higher than our own. This purpose gives us drive and energy, a sharp contrast to the discouragement and hopelessness that stems from ingratitude.

When I first started utilizing the powerful technique of visualization, one of the challenges I encountered was that at the end of each visualization session, I would open my eyes, look around, and see what was different or lacking in my current reality. The immediate response to that was a feeling of disappointment and ingratitude for the way things were.

I recognized that these negative feelings and emotions would not get me where I wanted to go, so I made some changes to the end of my sessions. When I opened my eyes, I would look around, intent on finding things I was grateful for in my current situation.

If I was visualizing a storage room full of food storage, I would focus on the shelves that were already full and rejoice. If I was visualizing new carpet, I would notice the beautiful paint on the walls and how that added to the beauty of my home.

Paul advises Timothy: "And having food and raiment let us be therewith content." (1 Timothy 6:8). This can be a guideline to us as we strive to improve our lives. We will always be creating, we will always be progressing. And while we are in this process, we can be content with the way things are, knowing that our choice to be content will only bring us more to be grateful for.

Recipe: Hearty Harvest Casserole

2 large onions, cut and separated into rings 3/4 inch thick
1 each medium green and red pepper, cut into 1 inch strips
1 cup sprouted barley, partially cooked (save 1-2 cups water)
4 tbs. vegetable broth mix
3 medium carrots, cut into chunks
2 large tomatoes, peeled and quartered (or use canned)
2 medium zucchini, cut into 1 1/2 inch chunks
1 lb green beans, snapped in half
1/2 head cauliflower florets
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1/2-1 tbs. real salt
1/4 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. paprika
1/4 cup parsley, chopped

Steam fry onion and bell peppers. Combine all ingredients in a casserole dish. Cover. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour. Barley should be tender.

This recipe is from the book, "The pH Miracle." I make this casserole and eat off of it for a week. It takes some time to prepare, but it's delicious!

Are you putting a dam in the flow?

Anytime we are seeking for real change in our lives, we must create a vision of how we would like our life to be. As we put time and energy into developing that vision and keep our minds open, we begin to be led to possible solutions to the problems that stand in the way of our vision.

Sometimes we become distracted from what we really want because we become so focused, even obsessed, with a step on the path we believe will take us to our destination. Stepping back, looking at the big picture, and asking ourselves what we really want will help us to keep a clear vision of the final destination. This will help insulate us from becoming distracted along the way.

Keeping our minds open is still important. Sometimes the early ideas we are led to are simply stepping stones to other possible roads. As we keep the vision of the destination vivid in our minds, the necessary stepping stones will continue to present themselves.

A block in the flow can occur when we begin to obsess about one of the steps we perceive to be a necessary step on the way to our destination. We need to be flexible, to move around obstacles like a river moves around obstructions. We need to stay open to any possible way to reach our destination.

If we have received an idea that we believe is the next step in our path and it begins to seem as if it might not happen, we don't need to be afraid that we will not reach our destination. We can trust that working on this idea is playing a role in our getting where we need to go. The step we are taking is not the destination.

We can still put positive energy into the solution we are currently working on, but we need not be afraid that if it does not happen the way we envision, we will be left at a solid brick wall. If a wall is put up in front of us on the path we are on, the natural thing to do is to turn, look around, and find another path.

Perhaps the path that truly would bring us the greatest happiness and fulfillment would never have been searched for if a wall had not sprung up in front of the path our feet were once on.

In "You Were Born Rich", Bob Proctor teaches that when we have a clear vision of where we want to be, we must trust that whatever happens is a necessary step to take us to our destination. Even things that might look like mistakes or wrong turns often turn out to be exactly what needed to happen to move us in the correct direction at the correct time.

Thus we can always be at peace and release any fear regardless of how good or bad our circumstances may appear. Once we have reached our destination, we will be able to look back and see how each step, no matter how it appeared at the time, was simply part of the path that presented itself once we knew where we wanted to go.

An example of this might be someone who has visualized higher pay and greater fulfillment at their place of employment. Perhaps a job opportunity comes into their path. All signs seem to indicate that this is the next vital step on the path to what they have envisioned.

They begin to put all of their energy into getting this job. Perhaps things begin to not go so well. They don't feel their interview went well, they notice the others interviewing are better qualified, and they begin to be afraid. Their vision seems to be in jeopardy.

As they feel as if the life they envisioned is slipping out of their grasp, they begin to obsess about this step that they have begun to feel is essential. They are no longer the river, flowing around any obstacles to reach their final destination. Their flow has been dammed. The destination is unreachable. The step they are working on has become their destination as all of their energy is channeled into forcing an outcome.

The universe will always find the easiest, simplest way for you to reach your destination. If you begin to feel that your flow is being blocked, don't give up. Keep at it, but keep a detailed vision of the destination you are working towards.

Put most of your energy into that picture and remain open to any possibility. If the step you are working on is the most beneficial way for you to reach your destination, then keeping this vision will help release any kinks and it will happen. If it is not the most beneficial way, you will gain whatever it was you were supposed to from the experience and quickly move onto the next step.

Mark Fournier teaches the following mantra when working on an outcome: "I am not attached, there is an infinite number of possible outcomes". Release the fear, go with the flow, keep a clear vision awash with positive emotional energy, remain open, you will arrive.

Affirmations...or self-delusions?

There are effective ways to use affirmations, and not so effective ways to use them. Louise Hay, author of "I Can Do It!" says in her short book of affirmations: "Some people say that 'affirmations don't work' (which is an affirmation in itself), when what they mean is that they don't know how to us them correctly. They may say, 'my prosperity is growing,' but then think, Oh, this is stupid, I know it won't work. Which affirmation do you think will win out? The negative one, of course, because it's part of a long-standing, habitual way of looking at life."

In fact, saying our affirmations at times like these feels more like participating in grand self-delusion than inspired self-improvement. We might even ask, 'how can lying to myself get me where I want to go?'

In the past I have answered that concern by using my affirmation sessions as imagination sessions. I think that maybe if I pretend hard enough that it's true, I'll get over this feeling that I'm repeating lies to myself.

Even during the pretense, however, we still have that feeling deep down that says, 'this is so not true!' After all, if it were true, why would we be focusing on the affirmation anyway?

That deep down feeling of doubt is counterproductive to the changes affirmations can instigate in our lives. Although there is a place for being able to imagine in great detail the life we are trying to create, affirmations are most effective when we know on some level that we are affirming truth.

We must remove the wall of disbelief deep inside ourselves by looking for the truth within the affirmation. Once the wall is down, the power of the affirmation is free to work without restraint in our lives. The truth that we have affirmed begins to become more and more true in our lives.

As you look for the truth within your affirmation, remember that so much of how we perceive our reality is relative. Everything we see in our lives is completely dependent upon what we are choosing to focus on.

Let's say, for example that you are trying to create more income in your life. You decide to start first with visualizing and affirming a raise at work. The affirmation you choose to use is one from Lousie Hay's book: "Wherever I may work, I am deeply appreciated and well compensated."

As soon as you say this affirmation, you think about how ridiculously untrue it is. Your boss hired you 2 years ago with a written promise of a 6% increase each year for the next 2 years and an implied promise of much more. He's done nothing. You've talked to him several times already and he continually puts you off.

You think about your peers (five of them, to be exact!) who've had increases, in spite of the company wide freeze on increases. It's injury added to insult! Not only are you not well compensated, but clearly you aren't appreciated!

At this point most people would try to imagine a different world down at work where their boss is appreciative and keeps his promises.

The problem with that approach is, again, the powerful feeling of disbelief being repressed deep inside.

Instead, look for any grain of truth that supports the affirmation and focus your energy on that. When we do this, the walls come down and we find ourselves fully invested in the affirmation. All of our energy is then able to flow into creating more of what we are affirming.

When you say the affirmation, think of the cook in the cafeteria who thanked you the other day for the new materials you were able to acquire for them. Think of the woman you manage who you were able to give time off to when her daughter was sick. She appreciated you!

The law of relativity comes in handy when you are saying the phrase, 'well compensated'. I'm sure without much effort, you will be able to think of situations which, in comparison, show you to be 'well compensated'.

Anything you can do to make the affirmation feel more true to you will help. Think of how much you earned at your last job. Perhaps in comparison to that, you are well compensated now.

This is not the time to focus on your peers who earn more than you. It's not the time to think about how far away you are from where you wanted to be at this point in your career.

Use the law of relativity to help you in your cause, not hurt you. This frees up your energy for creating. It removes your payoff for being a victim. It puts all your focus on where you are going, instead of where you've been.

Another example might be in your relationships. Let's say you use another of Louise Hay's affirmations: "I am in a joyous, intimate relationship with a person who truly loves me."

It's so easy at this point to think of all the ways your relationships don't meet this criteria.
Let go of your need to feel sorry for yourself or to find what's wrong. Start looking for the little tiny ways this is true in your life.

What we look for, we find. If you had a flicker of happiness in your relationship two weeks ago when you saw your spouse wrestling with your puppy, focus on that.

When we say our affirmation, if we will focus on some aspect of it that is true now the walls of disbelief come down and we are able to channel our energy, to connect with the power of affirmations, to begin to create something we really want in our life.