How Committed are You to Being a Victim?

If you continue to see yourself as a victim, you will continue to attract in perpetrators. Why would any of us want that?

If the role of victim is something you choose to play in your life, then at some point in your early, formative years you made the discovery that playing the role of victim gave you power. Power to get what you wanted, whether that was love, attention, sympathy, importance, material possessions, acceptance, lowered expectations, the list goes on.

Now you are an adult and playing the victim is no longer getting you what you want, in fact it is bringing you lots that you don't want. It's funny sometimes, how much like a lab rat we can be. Remember in junior high science learning about conditioning?

A rat might learn through conditioning that every time he presses a lever, he gets food. Eventually if the positive reward only comes sporadically, he will still continue to press the lever.

Lets be smarter than the lab rat! Even if playing the victim does occasionally bring you something you wanted, it usually comes with many negatives. It's just not worth it.

So how does one go about releasing this pattern?

Be Accountable
Be accountable for everything in your life. If your boss refuses to give you a raise, be accountable for not being in a place where you were ready to receive a raise.

If your child yells at you and refuses to do their chores, be accountable for being in a place where your energy matched up with that interaction. (Side note: This example with the child is a little different because you are the parent and have stewardship. You can be accountable for everything that's playing out in your life while still holding the child accountable for their choices. Yes you still teach, correct, and discipline.)

So does that mean it's your fault that your child chose to do that? Did you make them behave that way because of the place you were in? No. You did not step in and suddenly take control of someone else's agency.

I like to think of it as a dance. This dance is a testimony to me of the omniscience of God because how else could everything line up with such intricacy? The behavior your child is displaying lines up perfectly with what you are attracting in at that moment. You have stepped into each others' path and begun a dance (or continued a dance you've been doing for years!)

Your energy has matched up, your needs have matched up. You have attracted in that dance. You always have the option of dancing a different dance, or if you were different and your child wasn't, he or she would dance that dance with someone else.

And therein, for some of us lies the fear. If I choose a different dance, will he/she still dance with me? Or will this person leave my life?

What a leap of faith to leave it in God's hands. To trust that if you 'dance the dance' God wants you to dance, the path of that child you love, or that spouse you love will eventually come back to you healthier and ready to participate in a new dance, a new role. And if they don't in this life, trust that all is in God's hands. Release the fear, the need for control, the need for the old and comfortable.

It has been my experience that the vast majority of the time, the people in our lives are very willing to learn a new dance. In fact, if it's your child, they probably already know it and are trying to teach you!

And so in these interactions with other people whom we have no control over, we can work on healing whatever it is in ourselves that has matched us up with the pattern in this person at this time. We can release the need to have this in our lives.

The deepest level of accountability comes when we accept accountability for the life we were born into. If on some level we believe that some higher power 'did this to us', then the whole premise of our lives becomes victim oriented.

Do we know for certain how much we participated in choosing the details of our lives? Most of us don't. But if we choose to believe that we at least played a part in this choice then we have taken full accountability for our lives. We have released this victim energy at it's core.

This is an exciting and at the same time a deeply peaceful feeling. To know that we chose this. That this life was exactly what we needed in order to progress to the next level of our growth. The fear leaves us as we realize that no one has power over us.

To use imagery, no one has backed us into a room and closed the door. The discovery that we ourselves walked into the room and closed the door is empowering because we realize that we then, have the power to get up, open the door, and walk out.

No one is standing out there holding a key. The key is in our pocket, and has been all along.

Anyone who's worked on releasing victim energy knows, however, that sometimes we reach for that key and find that the pocket's sewn shut. So we go looking for an unpicker, right? If that happens to you, trust that the journey of looking for the unpicker is a journey you needed to be on. Be patient. You'll probably find a lot more than the unpicker and do significant healing on the way.

(I know, you're thinking someone else sewed that pocket shut, again the victim/perpetrator cycle. Nope. You sewed it shut. And you'll get it open when you are good and ready. Be accountable!)

Being accountable doesn't mean self-loathing, either. That's just called being a passive victim. That way you are the perpetrator and the victim. (Boy, we can sure be crazy sometimes! Trust me, I've been there.)

There wouldn't be any purpose once you discovered that you locked yourself in a room in beating yourself up for it. There isn't time for blame and it takes so much energy. Forget the blame, get into solutions. Be accountable.

Remove the Payoffs, Meet the Need
Figure out as best you can, what your payoffs are for being victimized. What are you getting out of it? Why do you need it (see my post: "Why do I Need This?")

Once you have figured out the payoff, remove it. A plant with no light or air will eventually die. Payoffs are like plant food to your victim energy. Are you getting sympathy? Quit talking about it. Are you getting out of some responsibility? Don't let yourself off the hook. Face the responsibility.

Then find a way to meet the need that this victim-payoff cycle is attempting to meet. If you need attention and love, create that in your life in healthy ways, beginning with loving and attending to yourself.

If you need more rest, less responsibility, learn how to ask for help appropriately. Find people in your life you can rely on, they are probably already there and eager to help in healthy ways.

If you need admiration (the martyr game) remind yourself that you cannot control what others think or how they feel about you. Let go of the control. Reconnect with God, the source of love and individual worth.

Be Grateful
We are commanded to be grateful in all things. "And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things..." D & C 59:21. I think the next logical step to confessing God's hand in our life is being grateful for it. This attitude grows from a trust that He loves us and is shaping and guiding the masterpiece that is you.

When our inclination is to gripe and moan, choosing to stop and give thanks immediately takes us out of victim energy and into growth and accountability. It's trusting that no one is 'doing this to us'. We chose this and are grateful for it.

Be Response-able
Once we have chosen to be accountable and even grateful, we can then be response-able. In other words, always remember the meaning of that word, we are able to respond. Just as we learn in amazing stories like "The Hiding Place", we always get to choose our response. This is another way to take back our power. When we play the victim role, when we blame, we give up our power. Take it back by being accountable about how you choose to respond.

If you are entrenched in victim energy you might think, "But I can't respond this way and I can't respond that way." You might get 'others focused' and start noticing what everyone else has done to you to limit your options. Stop that. Be accountable. Be grateful that you don't have those options. Because of that you'll be led to better ones. You'll grow more, you'll heal more.

Repeat over and over, "I'm able to respond", until your thoughts are off the obstacles and onto solutions. Pray for help, you are powerful. You can do this.

Forgive
When we have been truly harmed by another, forgiveness is an essential step in letting go of victim energy. Stop thinking of people as perpetrators and of yourself as a helpless victim. See yourself as a powerful individual and think of them as people who created challenges in your life. Challenges you are grateful for, and able to respond to! Then remind yourself why you are grateful for those challenges. Where have they led you? What have you made of your life because of them.

Forgive yourself as well. Forgiving ourselves makes it so much easier to forgive others. Usually when we are stuck and unable to forgive someone else, it's because we have some forgiveness work to do with ourselves. It's amazing how quickly those walls can come down and forgiveness of others comes once we have forgiven ourselves.

Sometimes we aren't even sure what we need to forgive ourselves for, so start by just forgiving yourself for not being perfect, for not handling everything as well as you would have liked to, for creating these things in your life.

Press On
If someone has spent a lifetime committed to being a victim, the beginnings of change can feel as if they are trying to remove something that has reached it's tentacles into every area of their bodies. They heal one area only to turn around and notice five more problem spots.

The great news is that the process of removing and healing this pattern in our lives will progress almost exponentially. The further you get from victim energy, the more you will love being free from it and the less comfortable you will be in that negative place.

Eventually it will be a place you only fall back into occasionally, and when you do, you'll quickly identify it, learn from it, and leave it.

Every person I have known with a strong commitment to victim energy was an immensely powerful person, hiding behind a role of helplessness. If playing the victim is a role you are trying to change, trust in the knowledge that you are powerful.

Watch out for self-sabotage. My favorite story of self-sabotage was created by a good friend of mine. She came to my home and announced she was 'done being a victim'. She wanted to get started right away.

It turns out she wasn't really done, and she didn't really want to get started. What she wanted was some attention and some fixing. We spent an hour and a half poring over affirmations, typing them up and personalizing a program for her to start. We printed out the paper and she was so excited!

I walked her to the door and told her good-bye, so excited for her. After she left I went back to my office and saw sitting on my desk the papers we had printed out, her whole program. She wasn't ready. She'd played me well!

I called her and said, "Nice sabotage. You left your papers here." (You probably should know she's been my best friend since we were 6 years old and we can be pretty frank with each other.) She laughed and I laughed and I threw the paper away. She never asked for it. And that was okay because about 3 years later she really was ready. And now she's a new person. It was just part of her journey.

I tell you this story to remind you that victim energy is complicated. Be pleased with any progress you make. Just keep moving forward and know that things are changing. To use a mixed metaphor, even though you are fighting an uphill battle, you will find that your momentum increases and pretty soon you'll be flying down the hill enjoying the scenery!

On Destructive Relationships

This post is in response to a comment on the post, "Why Do I Need This?" The reader expressed a desire to address 'relationships that continue to be destructive after you've done all that you can do.'

According to law of attraction principles, if you have a relationship like this, there are two possible reasons. The first possible reason is that it is in your best good, it is in the other person's best good, or it is in both of your best good for the relationship to be in your life. If you are always seeking to live God's will, then you are always seeking the things that are in yours and your fellow beings' best good.

(Note: the phrase 'in my best good' comes from a very interesting book called "Mutant Message Down Under." I like the way the phrase describes God's will in my life.)

The second possible reason is that you have an unhealthy pattern that you have still not released, in spite of your feeling that you have 'done all that you can do.'

In Your Best Good
Through prayer and introspection, you can discover which of the two reasons is true for you at this point in your life and with this particular individual. If the reason is the first, then with the Savior's power, this burden can become light in your life. You can tune in to what your role should be and the purposes behind where you are at.

Many people say that we shouldn't ask 'why'. But I find my best answers and my most sacred revelation when I ask 'why' in a humble and submissive manner. Those answers can help insulate us somewhat from the potential for harm these destructive relationships can have in our lives.

Use the principles of the law of attraction to attract best case scenerios with this person. Watch for future postings on 'creating space' for people in our lives. This is a powerful principle.

Release the Pattern that Created This
If, through prayer and introspection you discover that reason number two applies in this case, it's time to 'release the pattern that created this in your life.' This is a phrase from Louise Hay that I love. It is powerful and has a broad scope. Many times we don't know the pattern that created this, and so simply affirming, "I release the pattern that created this in my life" is a good place to start. We'll be led to solutions.

Sometimes the thought of no longer having this person in our life is frightening. Especially if this person is a spouse or one of our children. But have faith! Remember that when we are living according to true principles, things work out for our best good. Anything is possible. I've mentioned before the mantra I love from Mark Fournier, "There is an infinate number of possible outcomes. I am not attached."

In our small minds, we only see a few possible outcomes, so we try to force the ones we think best. Yes, we are creators, but only with God's power given to us. As we flow into the stream of His will for our best good, we will be amazed at the possibilities we had never considered. It's so profoundly true and important to remember, "[His] thoughts are not [our] thoughts, neither are [our] ways [His] ways" (Isaiah 55:8)

Thus, submitting our will to His unleashes our greatest potential to create. Fighting against His will blocks the flow of our creation as we try to force things, inevitably attempting to interfere with God's greatest gift, agency. As soon as we are attempting to interfere with another's agency, the creative process stops. There is no power there, only an illusion of power.

For healing and/or releasing destructive relationships, my favorite author is Louise Hay. Carol Tuttle also has some good thoughts on this topic.

My Favorite Story

It seems that whenever I read about using law of attraction principles to increase my prosperity, I read things like, "I tripled my income in 3 months!" Or, "I earned $40,000 in 20 minutes". Or even, "I doubled my income in less than 1 year!".

These statements are exciting, and draw us in. My experiences so far however, have not been like that. I am beginning to think that if those statements are true, it would be very enlightening to examine those individuals lives for the 2-5 years previous to those 3 months, or 20 minutes, or 1 year.

Learning these principles take time. Don't get discouraged if you start changing your way of thinking and don't experience such rapid results. Trust that you are on the path. I have found, however, that the further down the path I get, the more accelerated the results become. Things start to come together quickly.

The examples mentioned above can be misleading because the law of attraction always works in the simplest and easiest ways. You will have results that come without drama or fanfare most of the time. But you will have results.

So I wanted to get personal and share my favorite example of how simply and logically applying the law of attraction in your life can get you results.

Laser Focus
I had read in a post from Leslie Householder at http://thoughtsalive.com/ that when we are using visualization to achieve our goals, it helps if we can narrow it down to one or two goals at a time, giving each of those goals a 'laser focus'.

I decided that my top two financial goals were to acquire food storage and 6 months cash reserves. I figured to get the food storage and the cash reserves would mean I would need to save around $20,000. It was October, and I set the goal to be reached in 1 years time.

I am a trusting and optimistic person by nature and began my visualizations with laser focus just like Leslie taught. If nothing changed in our situation, I figured it would take about 5 years to reach that goal. I fully expected that within the next year we would be the happy recipients of some amazing landfall of money. Maybe my husband would get a new job with a huge increase. I had all sorts of exciting scenarios playing out as possibilities in my mind.

Much to my surprise and delight, we reached our goal, but there were no dramatic changes in our income, in fact there was hardly a change at all. Three unexpected things happened.

Spending Changes
For years I had been in charge of most of our finances. I recorded expenses, watched the budget, etc. But about a month after I started my laser focus visualizations, my husband took a sudden interest in the details of our 'accounts payable'. Over about 3 full Saturdays, he sat down with our online banking account and recorded every penny that had been spent the previous 3 months. He showed me the results and we made a revised budget. We planned out the next year more realistically based on his work.

His vigilance continued and for the next 5 months, he checked our accounts every night, recorded our expenses, and consulted with me (the spender of money in the family) on where we were at and how much money was left. I loved having someone help me keep track. It was motivating to know he'd be checking every night and we were a team with our goals. He would say things like, "if we don't spend anything else this week, we'll reach our savings goal." (Which was code for, "if you don't spend anything else this week, we'll reach our savings goal!") I would get excited and be careful not to spend anything else that week.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, we saved at least 10% each of those months, significantly increasing our savings account. It was exciting and I learned a lot from him about controlling spending, something he's very good at. It is interesting to note here, that I had said nothing to him about my visualizations.

Food Storage
The summer before I set this goal, gas prices had risen to an unprecedented amount. They fell in the fall, but over the winter everyone predicted that food would follow in the price increase in the spring. We had been hesitant before this time to fork out the lump sum to buy a lot of food storage at once. But after listening to the predictions, we decided it would be wise to get our food storage as soon as possible. I just wasn't sure how we'd come up with the money.

My husband looked at our budget and suggested that this year when he got one of his 2 extra checks, instead of using it to go on a family vacation like we normally did, we'd use it to buy our food storage instead, and do some inexpensive camping that summer for family vacations. So that March we bought rice, wheat, beans, flour, sugar, and many other staples for food storage.

It was a dream come true. Just like I had visualized, I would go down into my storage room and stare at all my shelves full of food. Knowing that I could feed my family no matter what gave me so much peace!

New information
So now we had food storage and lots more savings, and it had only been 6 months. I figured we still had a long way to go for our cash reserves to be complete. But then one day my husband, still tracking expenses religiously, got curious about exactly how much cash we would need to survive for 6 months of unemployment.

He got more detailed than I ever had and thought of a few things I had not considered. Unemployment checks, for one. An old IRA from my teaching job years ago that I had forgotten, for another. By the time he was done with his spreadsheet, guess how many months of cash reserves we had? 5 months. Over the next 6 months we continued to save and by the time we reached the year mark for my goal, we didn't have $20,000 in savings, but we had 6 months cash reserves and food storage. How amazing is that?

It might be simpler than you think
So, what I learned is that we don't have to know the 'how' in order to visualize where we want to be. If I would have asked myself how I was going to get an extra $20,000 in one year and started obsessing about that, I might never have put the energy and hope into visualizing my goal. Now I have the peace of mind of knowing that I have cash reserves and food storage. And I always chuckle when I think of how simply it came to pass! I love it!

Dreams Come True

In spite of whatever disappointments we are currently dealing with, all of us have aspects of our present lives that are a fulfilment of our past hopes and dreams. Those visions in the past are what created the good in our lives today.

Most changes occur in a gradual, sometimes even subtle way and the ones that happen suddenly are often accompanied by a sort of frantic busy-ness. The result is that we tend to miss the opportunity to revel in our dreams come true.

Think about the good things in you life. How do they match up with your past dreams? Is the car that now is just four wheels getting you to and from here and there, something you once anticipated with great excitement? Are the 5 kids that make your life absolute craziness, exactly what you visualized down the road on your wedding day? Is the house of your own-whose repairs you just can't seem to keep up on-something you could hardly wait to acquire back in your apartment dwelling days?

These examples might be off the mark for you, but look back, remember, what dreams are you living?

The supreme irony of each of these examples is the "shiny side" and the "corroded side" of the dream. Back when we were daydreaming about the home of our own, and a yard to barbecue in, we weren't worrying about the upkeep - we were focused on the positive aspects of the dream we were working toward.

We still have that option today. Try this exercise: Ask yourself what in your life is the fulfillment of a dream. Has it happened so gradually that you have grown accustomed to it without appreciating the miracle of it? Or has it come with enough of it's own complications that you have overlooked that it is just what you once wanted?

Take a leap through time from "you-then" to "you-now," the person living in it. Immerse yourself in the delightful pleasure of a dream come true.

An empty-nester might remember being a young mother, so busy with kids everywhere. Did she dream of a day to herself? Now she can enjoy the moment she is in like she would have if that young mother were transported out of the chaos through time to the present.

If you looked forward in college to the day you owned your life and had no more professors to report to, the day you had a real job with a real paycheck-transport that kid with a dream to now. Take a minute in the evening to appreciate not having homework hanging over your head anymore! Remember how badly you once wanted that?

In many aspects of your life, you are living what once was only a dream for you. We think it will be such a thrill when we achieve our dreams, but so much of the time we immediately focus on the next thing that is 'missing' or 'wrong' in our lives, without taking a minute for blissful appreciation.

If a dream were to come true overnight, it might be easier to appreciate the thrill. But most dreams are not that way. Don't miss out on the thrill!

We get to choose what to focus on, and remember that whatever we focus on-we get more of. So if you focus on dreams that have come true in your life, (instead of the ones that haven't) guess what you get? More dreams come true!

Recognizing that the good in our lives is directly connected to our past dreams and visualizations will also motivate us to put energy into visualizing for the future. We will have evidence right in front of us of the power of faith and hope, thus providing us with greater faith and hope.

Remember what the Nephite prophet Alma said, "I have always retained in remembrance [the captivity of our fathers]". (Alma 36:29 and 2) In other words, he remembers where he's been. He remembers that once, long ago, his people dreamed of a freedom he enjoys every day. He keeps in remembrance that he is living that dream.

Also remember that everything is relative. In many aspects of your life, you are living someone else's dream, too. People who aren't yet where you are today, dream of getting to where you are. It is a sobering and humbling thought. Try to see the magic in your life as if you were someone who had just been transported from dreaming about your blessings to living in your blessings.

As you look to the future, don't forget where you've been, or you risk not seeing and appreciating where you are. And loving where you are will help attract in more to love about your life.

Why do I need this?

One of the most piercing questions I use when struggling with a relationship problem is, "Why do I need this in my life." This question sidesteps any questions of blame, making me fully accountable for my part in the equation. It puts the power in my hands and neutralizes any victim energy that I may be feeding off of.

It is important when asking questions like these, that we pay close attention to the very first thought that comes into our minds in response to the question. Sometimes it is just a fleeting whisper, something we may not be too eager to confront.

If we ignore that first thought, we might quickly and easily distract ourselves from the real issues that need to be addressed, buying ourselves more time to continue on the path of least resistance. This is not the path to take if we truly desire change!

Another way to get at the same information is to ask yourself, "What is my payoff for having this in my life?" Having the courage to face these sometimes troubling answers means you are ready for change.

Here are some examples of reasons why we sometimes 'need' unpleasant things in our relationships:

• It gives me someone to be mad at, or the right to be mad.
• It gives me someone to fix, then I feel important, or useful
• I'm motivated by having something negative to fight against ('I'll show them' kind of mentality)
• It gives me an excuse to be depressed, and mediocre in my choices
• It gives me something to complain about, and attention
• It gives me the punishment I deserve
• I like being broken because when others are 'fixing' me, I know I am loved

There are as many possible answers to the question as there are people and relationships. Finding the answers to the question, "Why do I need this in my life," is an essential first step to healing the relationship problem you are working on.

Once the answer to the question has been identified, what is the next step ? There are several possibilities. One or all of these may apply: 1. Find a healthy way to meet the need. 2. Forgive. 3. Accept and appreciate.

Find a Healthy Way to Meet the Need

If, for example, you are creating something unpleasant in your life so that you have something interesting to complain about to your friends, thus providing you with attention, find a healthy way to get that attention you are craving.

Add something positive, new and interesting to your life and start talking to your friends about it. Refuse to allow yourself the payoff any longer, simply stop talking to your friends about this problem. Write about it, talk to God about it, or if absolutely necessary, talk to a counselor about it, but don't continue the pattern of getting attention from friends for it.

Another example might be that you are getting a payoff for being 'broken' because you feel loved when others are 'fixing' you. If that is the case, find some new and healthy ways to receive love from the people around you. Most likely it's already there, you just need to open your eyes to it. But if not, visualize yourself in these relationships as peers, with give and take. Change the way things are. Release this need in your life to receive love in this manner. Learn to receive love in healthy ways.

Forgive

If you feel that your unfortunate experiences are just punishment for your perceived failures or shortcomings, it's time to forgive yourself. Use affirmations, visualizations, prayer, and meditation. Read all you can about the process of forgiveness. Learn to forgive.

The same applies if you are needing a reason to be mad, or the right to be mad. You've got someone to forgive. Who is it? Forgiveness is work, so get to it, it will heal your life. Creating more reasons to be mad will just take you in circles until you are ready to forgive and heal.

Accept

Sometimes we have allowed ourselves to become ungrateful for something we legitimately need in our lives that our significant other is providing for us. If we are a high energy person, frustrated with our spouse's 'laziness,' the answer to the question, "Why do I need this?" might be that we need someone to temper and calm us. We need to accept this and even appreciate it.

I remember being frustrated about my husband's lack of enthusiasm about the new ideas I was always chewing on and batting around. I felt alone and sorry for myself. Then I asked myself the question, "Why do I need this in my life?" The response was obvious and filled my heart with warmth.

I needed someone who kept his feet firmly on the ground, freeing me to explore every nook and cranny of the universe. I knew I'd always have my anchor to come back to, and the joy I experienced in my journey would not have been as complete if my husband had not provided this safe place for me.

I no longer complain about this aspect of his personality, I appreciate it. And, ironically, as I have come to accept and appreciate this about him, he has actually started getting a little more interested in all my thought journeys!

Asking the question, "Why do I need this in my life?" with rigorous self-honesty, is the first step in taking accountability for what we have participated in creating. Once we have done this, we are on the path to healing the problem.

Recipe: Philly? Salad? Wrap?

1 red pepper
1 green pepper
1 small yellow onion
2 slices swiss cheese
4 cups fresh spinach leaves
1 large avacado, mashed
4 whole wheat tortillas

This salad wrap is made in the spirit of the philly sandwhich. The recipe makes 4 wraps and each wrap will be prepared individually. Cut the peppers and onions into fourths. Slice the peppers and onions thinly. Sautee the first pile of peppers and onions in canola oil. Arrange the vegetables into a long, narrow pile, roughly the shape of a rolled wrap. Cover the veggies with 1/2 a slice of swiss cheese. Drip a couple of drops of water onto the pan and quickly cover the veggies and cheese with a saucepan lid, using the steam to melt the cheese. Once cheese is melted (15-20 seconds), slide the veggies and cheese into the center of a tortilla. Cover with approximately 1 cup of fresh spinach leaves (less or more depending on your preference). Spread mashed avacado onto the side of the tortilla and wrap it up!

Creating in your own reality

When working with the Law of Attraction, it is important to remember that we can only create in our own reality. We can create space for someone else to live into, but that's a topic for another day.

Sometimes in our goal setting, affirming, and visualizing, our thoughts can stray into other people's realities. For example, if we are hoping to find love and romance, we may find our visualizations concentrating on a certain individual calling and asking us out. Or, if we want to make a big sale, our visualization may include us convincing a client to hand us a check.

These are both examples of attempting to control another person's agency. Agency is one of the greatest gifts human beings have been given, and any attempt to interfere with another person's agency will put our own progress towards what we desire on hold.

Make sure that your visualizations include you and only you. If you want to experience love and romance, picture yourself receiving a phone call from an unnamed individual and imagine all the feelings of excitement and twitterpation you can imagine!

If you are already in a relationship and that individual already has a name and a face, then make sure the focus of your thoughts and energy are on you. Picture yourself feeling loved and appreciated. Picture yourself as part of a healthy, affectionate relationship. Picture the places in your heart that feel empty, full.

You will always be pleasantly surprised at how the details get filled in. There is no need for you to anticipate and attempt to orchestrate the roles others will play in bringing you what you desire.

Don't let your energy stray into trying to force an outcome from someone else. It's a waste of energy and translates into ingratitude for what's already there.

If you are visualizing making a sale, picture looking at the check, seeing the numbers, feeling the gratitude. Picture filling the order, sending it out, even calling a friend and sharing the great news. The more wholly focused the visualization is on yourself, the more powerful it will be.

Another aspect that sometimes sneaks into our visualizations is an audience. When you picture yourself in that new car, are there people on the side, admiring your good fortune? Sometimes we don't even realize they are there! Paying attention to details like that in your visualizations will help you to discern your motives.

Working towards something because you hope to earn the admiration or respect of others, is at it's root, an attempt to create in someone else's reality. Whenever that happens, remind yourself, "I cannot control what others think about me, or how they feel about me, or how they see me."

Sometimes in our visualizations the 'audience' is looking at us with disapproval. Perhaps we have fears about reaching certain goals because we worry about others seeing us in negative ways. Again, remind yourself: "I cannot control what others think about me, or how they feel about me, or how they see me." And let it go. This is between you and God.

Overwhelmed?

Shortly after I learned about the principle of focusing on what we want, I found an unexpected way to apply what I had learned. It had been one of those frantic days-I was rushing from picking kids up from school, to the store, to ballet, and back home again. Then I was hollering at my son to change into soccer clothes while throwing something together to feed them so we could rush off late to soccer games. (I won't even get into the drama of mismatched soccer socks!)

I arrived at the game late, running with a baby on one hip and an overflowing bag and soccer chair on the other. I sat down with a whoosh and started giving my baby her dinner while making phone calls on my cell phone, trying to take care of some unfinished tasks. Sound familiar?

When I walked back into my house that night, I was tempted to collapse on the couch and do a major overwhelm. The counter was covered in groceries, homework still needed to be done, and it all seemed impossible. Granted, it had been a busy day, and I had every right to give up and call it a day. Turn the TV on, check out, whatever. But really, that wasn't what I wanted.

So, instead of collapsing on the couch, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and started to picture what I really wanted. I visualized clear counters, homework done, putting my kids to bed in a house of order, taking a few calm minutes with each child before they went to sleep, and finally turning lights off and getting to bed early myself.

The first thing that happened was that I felt energized. It was like the feelings of being overwhelmed, hopeless, and frustrated slipped out of my body and slinked away. I had hope again. It's amazing where you can go when you have hope!

Then next thing that happened was that solutions began to occur to me that had been invisible just moments before. I got to work on those solutions.

The last thing that happened was that I was able to enlist the help and cooperation of my family with my positive, solution oriented energy and things came together quickly after that. Had I attempted the same with my family before my energy changed, I would have encountered more resistance.

That night I went to bed on time with a clean house and a peaceful feeling in my heart and in my home. I had spent quality time with my kids and had received what I had hoped for: peace and order.

When we give in to the overwhelm, things tend to spiral out of control, farther and farther from what we really want. Our frustration and feelings of helplessness increase.

Now when I start to feel tempted to 'do an overwhelm', I stop, close my eyes, and change my focus from what's wrong to what I want. Everything doesn't always match my vision exactly, but I consistently feel hopeful and energized instead of overwhelmed.

Solutions I might be blocking with the negative feelings, are free to present themselves, and in the end I feel peaceful regardless of how the circumstances turn out.

I'm broke...where do I start?

Does it seem like when you start to get serious about improving your health, the obstacle you come up against is lack of money? You found a great supplement to give you more energy...it costs money. You heard about an amazing practitioner...who's outrageously expensive. You want to try the latest weight loss program...again, lots of money.

Don't get discouraged. If you are intent on improving your life, the great news is that there are many options that cost little or no money for getting started. Here are a few:

Tap into Your Thought Energy
The three methods I recommend the most for tapping into your bodies inherent ability to heal are, "Feelings Buried Alive" by Karol Truman; "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay; and Emotional Freedom Technique, detailed at emofree.com.

These methods teach you how to diagnose which thoughts and emotions are keeping you from health. They then give you strategies using affirmations, visualizations, and pressure points to release and change these patterns in your life. To start learning any of these three methods is to begin a lifelong journey of healing from the inside out.

Follow your gut. Of the three methods mentioned above, begin to research the one that sounds the most interesting, or has the strongest pull. It's probably the one you need now. Eventually you should become familiar with all three. Make healing thoughts a habit that stays with you for the rest of your life. It will impact every area of your life, spreading far past your health.

Reflexology and Essential Oils
These are two modalities of healing that bring subtly powerful results. They are relatively easy to learn how to use (at least the basics of them) and they are inexpensive.

I invested in a couple of reflexology books and use the methods shown in them on myself and my family. I have found it to be most effective when I target one specific health issue and use the reflexology most every day for a couple of weeks, or longer if necessary.

Essential oils are inexpensive and long lasting. There are many websites and books that teach the most beneficial ways to use them. There are starting to be more home based businesses involving essential oils and sometimes you can find a local expert to support you as you learn to use them.

Educate Yourself
Early in my journey of taking my health into my own hands, I took an evening away from my family and spent a couple of hours at Barnes and Noble in the health section. I pulled dozens of books off the shelf, any that looked interesting to me. At the end of my evening, I still had almost two dozen books. I followed my gut, and narrowed it down to just a few, and purchased one book that night.

That book was called, "The pH Miracle" by Robert O. Young, and I still count it as one of my favorite health books. But the point I want to make here, is that by taking the time to do this, I came away with many book ideas which I checked out from my library and worked my way through.

You can spend time online if you prefer, but take advantage of any method you can to improve your knowledge and understanding of how the body works, of healing, and of health.

Do the Basics
Get disciplined and start doing the basics. Pick one thing a week to start with, get a support group, make yourself a sticker chart if you have to, but start taking better care of yourself. You know what you need to work on. Here are some ideas:

• Go to bed earlier!!! Our bodies cleanse and detox while we sleep.
• Drink more water. (and less soda!)
• Eat more fruits and veggies (this will impact your grocery budget, but not as much as many supplements).
• Do a cleanse. Again, this will cost some money, but there are inexpensive options.
• Eliminate sugar and white flour from your diet.
• Get active, get exercising!
• Get some basic supplements. Everyone should be on a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. We should all be taking essential fatty acids (you can take flax oil or fish oil). We should all be taking probiotics to help with our digestion. Each of these is relatively inexpensive as far as supplements go and would probably make a world of difference.

If you begin to feel that it is important for you to do something for you health that costs money you do not currently have, begin to visualize having that which you need. Be sure to feel all the emotions of gratitude and excitement. You will be surprised the way things will work in your behalf!